Dealing with Difficult Volunteers
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash
I was early in my career as a kids pastor. I was doing the best I could to teach my kids about Jesus, lead my volunteers, and help the church grow. It was a big job for a 25-year-old, but I knew God had called me to this. We were making progress.
Except for one volunteer. He was old enough to be my grandfather. He had served in the same room with the same age group of boys for as long as I’d been alive. He was also stubborn, ornery, and it was his way or the highway. Previous kids pastors literally hid whenever he’d come into the office.
Call it naivete. Call it ignorance. Call it pure stubbornness on my part, but I decided to be different. I was supposed to be his leader, so I did what I could to lead him. I helped out in his department. Found him volunteers. I got to know him as best I could.
But he still had his own opinions about how things needed to be done, and wasn’t afraid to share with anyone who would hear. I never want to be surrounded by yes people, but there’s a time to criticize and a time to get behind the leader.
Over the three years I served in that church we butted heads more than once. But as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17). I learned how to deal with a difficult volunteer. Today, I share what I learned and practiced in the years since.
1. Hold a Private Conversation
I was taught in college that you praise in public and criticize in private. You never want to put anyone in a position where they need to defend themselves or feel like they need to save face. The easiest way to make a person feel defensive is to call them out in front of other people.
I’m not talking about if they’re doing something dangerous that can hurt someone. If that happens, speak up quickly and loudly.
What I am talking about is a volunteer who constantly questions your decisions. One who listens to your directions and does their own thing regardless. One who talks poorly about you behind your back.
If that’s the case, you need to pull that person in for a private conversation. Set aside a time to meet and everyone has had a chance to calm down. You don’t want to go in half cocked. That’s not going to help anyone.
When you meet with them, explain the situation, what you observed, and how it was against your expectations. Then ask them to fill in the gaps. They may have more information than you’re aware of. The incident may be a big misunderstanding.
Or it’s exactly what you thought and now you need to address it.
This takes courage. Don’t beat around the bush with small talk. Address the misbehavior (because that’s what it is) head on. Explain your expectations going forward. Let them ask questions. Let them express their objections. Listen to them and answer as calmly as possible. Even if they don’t get their way, people will still fall in line if they feel heard.
End the conversation with a plan for moving forward. Make it clear that this behavior can’t continue. Pray with them and for them. Thank them for coming.
Hopefully, it was all just a misunderstanding, and everything is good now. However, the event in question may be a sign of a pattern. Which lead me to step 2.
2. Get Leadership Involved
At this point the volunteer has consistently undermined your authority with their behavior. They’re causing disunity in the ministry and the church. You’re headed toward a toxic environment, and you need to shut it down, quick.
You may need to remove the person from volunteering. But before you do that, you need to get leadership involved. If you fire them, they may go to your Senior Pastor and talk about how they’ve been wronged. They’re the victim and you’re the villain.
One thing I’ve learned from my years of ministry. Your pastor doesn’t want any surprises. If there is a problem, you need to make them aware, quickly.
Set a time with your pastor and present what the volunteer has done and continues to do. Also talk about what you’ve done (aka the private convo). Outline how your interventions have been ineffective. Finally, talk about your solution.
As with the private conversation, answer your pastor’s questions and listen to their advice. They may want to set up a meeting with all three of you to arbitrate. Or they may tell you to follow through on your plans. Or they may tell you to tough it out (more on that later). Either way follow their plan as they laid out.
You want their support if things hit the fan. Don’t go rogue and make a bigger mess than it already is.
3. Move or Remove the volunteer
As I said before, your solution at this point is to move or remove the volunteer. They may be outside of their gifting, burnt out, or just unwilling to change. Either way they can’t stay under you. But making them sit permanently may not be the best solution either.
So, depending on the person and the feedback from leadership, I suggest you do one of three things.
Have them sit from serving for 3-6 months
They may just be tired and need a break. You can give them that with grace. After their break they may be ready to come back with new passion. Or they may find another place to serve.
Place them in another ministry
If they’re outside of their gifting or have lost passion, this may be the best place. They may be good friends with other ministry leaders. Free their future and let them go serve there.
Remove them from all serving indefinitely
I call this the nuclear option and should only be used in the most grievous of circumstances. A lot of times what keeps people in your church is their community they found while serving. If you take that away, they may leave.
That may be the best option. Especially if they continue to sow discord even after disciplinary action. A divided house cannot stand. (Mark 3:25)
4. What if you can’t move or remove them?
This happened to me with my difficult volunteer. He consistently did what was best for his ministry. Even if it was directly against what the rest of the church was doing or what I asked. His inability to support the whole ministry and see the big picture was frustrating. At one point, he actively tried to turn every volunteer against me. He had to go.
So, I went to my pastor and told him what I wanted to do. He told me to smile, make nice, and carry on.
I didn’t want to be disloyal to my pastor. If I did, I’d be guilty of the same sin my volunteer was committing. So, I did what he said. I swallowed my pride and anger and went and made nice.
If you can’t remove the volunteer, the best you can do is minimize their reach. Schedule them less often. Isolate them by putting them with as few volunteers as possible. Spin another ministry off that they’d love to do that supports your mission. Do whatever you can do to keep unity.
Dealing with difficult people is never easy. I’ve joked before that ministry would be so much simpler if there weren’t all these people. But if you’re in ministry, you’re in the people business. It’s part of the greatest commandment. Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:39) Let’s love everyone with the unconditional love of Jesus as we encourage others to follow us as we follow Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1)
