a family standing in front of the capitol building in Washington DC Life lessons at 40: 16 Nuggets of Truth title card

I wrote a few weeks ago that I taught math at a local high school. I knew I had course work to cover, but I also wanted to teach them about life. As I reflected on my own life, I found 16 words of wisdom I could share with my students. On Tuesday, I hit the big 4-0. It’s the start of a new decade and for some reason it feels different than when I turned 20 or 30. I can look back and see how my decisions I made 10 or 20 years ago have shaped my life. I only hope the decisions I make in the next few years have as much of an impact on me when I turn 60.

Of all the decisions I’ve made, I realized that those 16 statements I shared with my students have shaped my life. Most of them I’ve gleaned from other sources, but I’ve found myself saying them over and over. Whether you’re in ministry or serve God somewhere else, I hope you can use them to find your own success.

Without further ado. 16 words of wisdom.

1. You have the choice every day to make the best of your day. Choose wisely.

IThis lesson I embraced early on, and I consistently reinforce it with my teenage students. We can’t let one bad thing in our day ruin it. We have the power to shape our day by how we choose to respond. Bad days are inevitable, but tomorrow offers a fresh start.

2. Never be afraid to ask why.

I learned this while studying math in college and carried it over to the rest of my life. Some people might shut down why questions if they perceive a disrespectful or condescending tone. However, if you’re genuinely curious people are far more willing to share their reasons. Also, asking why can help you discover things about our world you never knew existed. It’s the spice of life.

3. Don't be afraid to ask for help; it's a strength, not a weakness.

I struggled to learn this one. I’ve always tried to be a smart, independent leader. For the longest time, I felt asking for help would betray my confidence, and people would doubt my leadership. However, I’ve learned that asking for help invites other people on the journey. It can genuinely make whatever you’re working on so much better. Just ask.

4. Those around you shape who you become. Choose them wisely.

Pay attention to the people you surround yourself with. They constantly influence you, and those closest to you have the biggest impact on who you become. Pick the people in your life carefully. Jesus called us to love everyone, but not everyone needs to have full access. If someone is holding you back, it may be time to say goodbye.

5. Hard things in life make you better; don’t shy away.

Playing sports taught me, you have to do hard, uncomfortable things to get better. Just because it’s difficult shouldn’t deter you, but rather push you to try harder. You’ll come out stronger, more resilient, and wiser.

6. Failure is not getting it wrong. Failure is giving up.

When you try hard things, failure is not only an option, but a certainty. So, change the definition of failure. It’s not doing it wrong. It’s giving up. Edison didn’t fail to make the lightbulb a thousand times. He found 999 ways that didn’t work. Keep trying. Keep practicing. You’ll never know how good you’ll get unless you keep moving forward.

7. There is always room for improvement.

On the flip side of failure is success. No matter how great the thing you did; it wasn’t perfect. There is always room for improvement. I don’t say that as a downer. Rather as a challenge to look deeper. If we always think we did the best, then we’ll miss the opportunities to make whatever we’re doing even better. Continual improvement always leads to success.

8. If you fail, feel your feelings, take a deep breath, and get back to work.

It’s not healthy to wallow in pity after a big setback. It’s also not healthy to push all those feelings down either. One becomes selfish and self-serving. The other leads to an explosion of emotion that will leave a lot of hurt feelings in your wake. If you mess up, feel bad, cry, journal, talk to someone, but then get up, dust yourself off and go again. Like I said before, you only fail when you give up.

9. Hard work is the key to achieving your goals. Money and success merely amplify your are.

I overheard a senior wishing he had one viral TikTok. If that would happen, he knew he’d be set for life. I pointed out that getting a viral video isn’t the silver bullet he thinks it is. You have to build community before and after that video. It takes work. There are no free rides. Winning the lottery doesn’t solve your problems, it just gives you new and bigger ones. Work on your character now. Remember what Jesus said, those who are faithful with little will be given much.

10. Every action you take is a vote to the person you want to become.

You want to be successful? A good parent? A leader? A Christ-follower? Then how you live your life should show that. Just sitting and dreaming about it will get you nowhere. I used to say I’m not a runner, but I’ve been running consistently for over 10 years. I used to say I’m not a writer, but I’ve been writing this blog consistently for almost two years and have almost finished my first book. I used to say I can’t lose weight and keep it off, but I lost close to 50 pounds two years ago and have kept it off for a year. I didn’t get there overnight. I chose to do something every day. You can do the same.

11. Behavior determines belonging determines belief.

If we say we believe something, then we need to act on that belief. But those actions must be supported by our community. We don’t do things we don’t believe in, and we don’t do things unless the people around us think it’s appropriate. Even if you’re determined to be absolutely different, you’ll find other people who think the same way. How you behave and who you surround yourself with matters.

12. This is a safe place. We work together to make it safe.

My Diversity in Education professor introduced me to this idea. If you feel unsafe in a conversation, meeting, or group setting, you’re not going to bring your best ideas. But that safety goes both ways. We don’t criticize others who take a risk and stand up to others who do. In the marketplace of ideas everyone has a place; everyone has a voice. Take the time to listen and consider. Your life will be richer and fuller.

13. The three most powerful words are please, sorry, thanks.

I got this from Mark Batterson’s book. Saying these words is polite and kind. It shows respect. If you want to get somewhere or get someone to do something, using these words ensures you can do it again. Not using these words creates strife, misunderstanding, and hurt. So please, say you’re sorry. Thanks.

14. Change is the only thing that never changes.

We all love change until it means we have to do it. But change is inevitable, may as well accept it and adapt. Otherwise, we’ll be left behind in obscurity and ineffectiveness.

15. Respect is given before respect is earned.

I had a kid vehemently cry that he’d only show respect to those who showed him respect. Despite his entitled attitude, he was right. No matter how angry, disrespectful, and hurtful someone gets, always show respect. You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life. Diffuse the situation by showing respect. It communicates that you care.

16. And so, we are left with these three things, faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.

Paul wrote this at the end of 1 Corinthians 12. We were made to love. We look for love. We worship love. God is love. Part of the church’s success is because of love. We choose to put others above ourselves out of reverence for what Christ did for us. In every situation, always choose love. You’ll never regret it.

On Sunday, disaster struck my church. We had a huge storm blow through, and the power was out for several miles around the church. The power company said the power would be on at 10:45, 15 minutes after our start time. Then it was 11:45. Then 4pm. I got the news as I pulled into the parking lot at 9:30am.