The ____ Department is Not Your Enemy

When I first started out in ministry, I was naïve to think that everyone would get along. We all love Jesus, and we’re all in this together, we should be one big happy family, right? Unfortunately, church can be like angry Twitter.

No matter who you are or where you go there will always be conflict. You’re going to want to do something and someone else is going to have a different opinion. It’s called being human. Your skill as a leader is shown by your ability to work with others and get things done.

It’s far too easy to make that other person your enemy but doing so will not help you reach your goals or theirs.

Let me tell you a story.

At one of the churches I served, almost the entire worship team had kids in my ministry. They would keep the kids with them for their practice before service and then bring them over once it was over. Unfortunately, many times this was at the same time check-in was getting set up. Because of the technology many times the printer did not print the tags, and the worship team parents were forced to wait until we got it fixed for them to get their security tags. For the first month they were ok, the second month they were annoyed, by the sixth month both of us were furious. I hadn’t fixed the problem, and they were tired of waiting. We were at a standoff. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t wait five minutes for me to fix it, and they couldn’t understand why I hadn’t fixed it before they got there.

One day, it finally hit me. Quit thinking about them as an enemy and try to use them as an ally. They were some of my most trusted parents and many of them also led ministries to children when they weren’t singing. I had every reason to trust them, and I was telling them through my actions that I didn’t. So, to solve the problem, I gave one of the parents the ability to remotely check-in all the kids during worship team practice. This solved two problems. They could check in their kids without having to wait for the printer to spit them out, and I could determine before they ever arrived if the printer decided to work that day or not.

The solution was a hit. The parents were happy. I was happy, and the kids got checked in safely.

This story may resonate with you. I’m sure we can fill the comments with similar stories and frustrations.

So, when the inevitable comes, here are three things to do.

1. Try to see things from their point of view

Like I said in my story, neither of us could understand why the other couldn’t just fix the problem. I was unwilling to see things from their point of view. In my mind, there was one way to do it and that was the only way to do it. It wasn’t until I put myself in their shoes and empathized with them, that I was able to see a solution that served both parties.

2. Remain flexible

Sometimes conflict arises because one of the two parties are just being stubborn. It’s rare that the issue you’re dealing with is life and death. It will probably be ok to put it off for a week or two for cooler heads to prevail. Give up some ground first and the other side may be willing to back down as well. In my story, I wanted to make sure all the parents had their kids’ security tags. The parents weren’t willing to wait for those tags to come out. By giving them the agency to check their own kids in before they came to the children’s wing, I showed them I trusted them, and they felt valued. Everyone was happy.

3. What they do matters too

It’s easy to think that another ministry’s effort doesn’t matter as much as yours. Don’t believe that lie. Each ministry has a place and a purpose in the Kingdom and in your church. The best way to get someone on your side is to value their contribution. Even if they don’t reciprocate, you are doing your part to bring peace.

Conflict in ministry is inevitable, but what you do with that conflict is what will set you apart for success or failure. So, go be a peacemaker. After all, Jesus said you’ll be called a child of God. I think that’s what we all want to be.